pool party

26 Jun

i promise i’m not anti-social. well, not a lot… except perhaps whilst trying to sleep.

i’m not sure why, but i desperately needed a nap this morning. only a few hours after getting up, i could barely keep my eyes open. so it was that at 10:30 on a saturday morning, i went back to bed.

i slept for 3 hours. it would’ve been longer, had there not been a get-together of sorts next door. the one next door neighbour used to have a hot tub, but it disappeared at the same time as her ex. a few days ago, i noticed she had installed an above-ground pool in its place, on her deck. this morning she had company over; from the sounds of it, 3 adults and 2 small children. not that i was eavesdropping: i simply had no choice but to hear their goings-on. as i’ve explained before, my bedroom is the attic of an old house. there are 4 windows up there that use crank-style mechanisms to open. one of those mechanisms is completely busted, meaning i can’t budge the window. so the window is stuck wide open. unfortunately, it’s the window that overlooks my neighbour’s back yard. and so it was that i heard everything happening at my neighbour’s impromptu summer morning party.

as i was dozing on my bed, i slowly returned to consciousness at the sound of a repetitious mantra. i heard this highly annoying baby voice – not the voice of a baby, but an adult speaking baby-talk, y’know? so it’s a man’s voice, all high-pitched and googly-gaga, and this voice is saying a single phrase, over… and over… and over. so i’m lying there and all i hear is “big splaaaaaash! big splaaaaash!” with the occasional “yay!” thrown in for good measure. obviously the wee ones were playing in the pool. but c’mon, seriously?

it went on like that for literally 10 minutes, non stop, that’s all the dude said, in the exact same sing-songy tone of voice, “big splaaaaaash!” i thought i might go give him a big splash – of boiling water to the face.

so then something happened and one of the small kids started crying and screeching. so dude stopped his “big splaaaaash!” for a couple of minutes while people comforted the kid. (wanna know what happened? apparently the little girl, slightly older than the little crying boy, splashed him right in the face. now where do you suppose she got that idea?)

after a few minutes of crying, all was forgotten and the splashing resumed. only this time, dude changed it up. he took it up a notch and started singing what was obviously a song he was making up on the spot. now, i’m all for creativity and spontaneous bursts of song. however, for the next 15 minutes (yes, i timed it), the soundtrack of my “nap” went like this:

big splash, big splash,
heidi heidi ho!
big splash, big splash,
oh no oh no oh no!
big splash, big splash,
oomagammmago! [or other random sounds that ended with rhyme for “go”]
big splash, big splash,
big splash here we go!
big splaaaaaaaaash!

and then he would clap frantically for a few seconds… before starting it all over again.

he sounded like a freaking teletubby. i mean, good on the dude for not worrying about his manliness and just goofing off for the kids, but seriously? i’ve never ever heard a man use exclusively baby talk for such a long stretch, without interruption. (unless he was a paid entertainer; then I’d understand. but from what I could gather from my perch in my bedroom, he was just some random relative/friend, no clown.) he never once used a normal adult voice, never once said anything except “big splash” and random rhyming words and sounds. So by watching the clock, i determined that i laid there for about half an hour listening to this buffoon. i wish he had just taken a big splaaaaash in the pool himself, and “accidentally” swallowed a bunch of chlorinated water.

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